Gina Heslop
James Courtney was displeased as soon as he saw the woman who would be sitting next to him in first class. She was quite large, and James was frustrated, wondering how he would travel comfortably beside her. As she sat down and buckled her seatbelt, her elbow accidentally nudged him.
“Watch it!” James yelled angrily, causing the woman to apologize quickly, “Oh, I’m so sorry, please excuse me.”
Mockingly, James replied, “Excuse you? Or excuse the 3,000 doughnuts you ate to get to that size?” The woman gasped in shock, revealing a young face with a sweet but weak expression, which encouraged James to continue, “Lady, when you travel, you need to book TWO seats!”
The woman’s eyes filled with tears, but James kept going, especially when he noticed her clothes were old and worn. “I guess your whole budget goes on nachos and hot dogs, right? So you can’t afford two seats? Next time pass the hat, I’m sure all your fellow passengers will be very generous!”
She turned to look out the window, and James saw her reflection, tears streaming down her cheeks. He didn’t stop there, though. “Listen, I have a friend who runs a clinic in Mexico. I’m sure he’d give you a liposuction mucho cheapo!” he added cruelly.
Feeling repaid for his discomfort by the sight of the woman sobbing, James ordered a martini from the flight attendant. “Shaken, not stirred!” he said in his best James Bond voice, then added, “I don’t know what Moby Dick here will drink…”
The flight attendant threw him a disapproving glance and addressed the woman. “Ma’am, would you like anything to drink?”
“Yes, please, a diet Coke,” the woman responded, wiping her eyes. James scoffed, “Don’t you think it’s a bit late in the game for a diet Coke?” The woman and the flight attendant ignored him.
Dinner was served shortly after. As the flight attendant set the trays in front of them, James said, “Are you sure that will be enough? Because I think it would take a village to feed this lady!” The flight attendant ignored him, and James continued his meal.
Later, the flight attendant returned, smiling. “Excuse me,” she said, “The captain is a huge fan, and he’d love to invite you up to the cockpit.” James was surprised when he realized she was talking to the woman next to him. The woman blushed and smiled as she followed the attendant, and James had to get up to let her pass.
Sitting back down, James started composing complaints in his head about the service. Suddenly, the captain’s voice came over the speakers: “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a celebrity among us! If you are fans of ‘I Love Opera’ like me, you will recognize the voice!”
A beautiful voice filled the cabin, singing a famous aria, and the passengers applauded. “That’s right!” the captain said. “It’s the lovely Miss Allison Jones, and she’s flying with us to do a charity concert for world hunger!” The cabin erupted in applause, and James cringed.
The flight attendant approached him again, this time with a stern voice. “Listen up, buster. I don’t care how many millions you have, if you upset that girl again, I’m putting you in economy.”
James mumbled an apology, but the attendant insisted, “It’s not me you have to apologize to!”
When Allison Jones returned, she smiled and signed autographs for the other passengers. James stood up to let her take her seat, saying with a charming smile, “I’m sorry if I was a little rude, I had no idea who you were.”
Allison looked at him with beautiful eyes and said, “It doesn’t matter who I am. You shouldn’t treat people like that, EVER! And besides, you’re not sorry. Would you even be apologizing if I wasn’t semi-famous? You know, I can’t help my weight, but you can change your attitude. Stop judging people.”
James fell silent and didn’t say another word until they landed in Portland.
