The ‘Middle Wife’

In my fifteen years of teaching, I’ve encountered numerous show-and-tell sessions, but the most memorable birth story I ever witnessed unfolded in my second-grade classroom a few years back. This tale, authored by an anonymous 2nd-grade teacher, remains a source of laughter and joy.

One day, a vivacious and bright student named Erica took the spotlight. With a mischievous smile, she waddled to the front, a pillow snugly tucked beneath her sweater. Before us, she proudly presented a snapshot of an infant, her baby brother, Luke, and prepared to recount his birth.

In her endearing innocence, Erica commenced her narrative, describing the origins of her sibling. She explained how her parents had crafted Luke as a symbol of their love, with her dad planting a seed in her mom’s stomach. With utmost seriousness, she elaborated that Luke had nourished himself for nine months through an “umbrella cord.”

As Erica spoke, her gestures and expressions brought her story to life. She pantomimed her mother’s labor, illustrating her mom’s comical wanderings around the house, recreating the anticipation and excitement. The classroom was abuzz with amused fascination, and I struggled to stifle my laughter, wishing I had a camcorder to capture the scene.

Erica’s enthusiasm peaked as she described the moment of delivery. She demonstrated how the “middle wife,” who lacked a Domino’s-like car sign, guided her mom to lie down like a queen. With a theatrical flair, Erica lay down, mimicking the birthing posture against the wall.

In her tale, Erica described the dramatic climax, where her mom’s “bag of water” burst, sending a spray of imaginary water cascading onto the bed. Her little hands mimicked the flow, and the classroom erupted in laughter.

With infectious enthusiasm, Erica recounted the midwife’s encouragements to “push, push” and “breathe, breathe,” mimicking the birthing process. She mimed counting, humorously noting they never reached ten. And then, in a crescendo of excitement, she declared, “Out comes my brother!”

Erica detailed how baby Luke emerged covered in what she referred to as “yucky stuff,” which the adults attributed to her mom’s “play-center,” where toys evidently resided. She shared how the middle wife playfully “spanked” her baby brother for venturing into the cozy space within.

Concluding her narrative, Erica executed a grand theatrical bow, receiving hearty applause from her classmates and me, her most enthusiastic supporter. Ever since that delightful day, I’ve kept a camcorder on hand during show-and-tell, hopeful for another storytelling gem like Erica’s heartwarming “Middle Wife” tale.

More Department Stores from the Past We Wish Were Still In Business

Woman Who Wants To Become a ‘Forest Elf’ Gets Barbie Nose And Cat Eyes In New Extreme Procedure